Today

Today...lets just say it sucks. Today I found out that one of the canteen vendors in my school - a very nice uncle passed away due to a cardiac arrest yesterday evening. I feel so helpless as I learnt CPR and first aid skills but when the time came for me to apply it, i wasn't there to do it. I am begining to doubt if there actually is a use in learning all these for when the time actually comes I am helpless. They say don't be sad or angry for all that can be done has already been done but.... I can help but just feel this way. Is this what it really means to be human? If that is the case, I probably rather be a monster.